Self-Love – the big Lie

“Nobody can love a person who doesn’t love themselves”

Bullshit. Hitler was full of self-loathing and Eva Braun literally died with and for him. You can perfectly love a self-hater. A self-hater can perfectly love someone else. And the suggestion that self-love is the condition for receiving love from others, is even bigger bullshit. I’ll explain.

Being selfish, instinct-driven creatures, children first and foremost love themselves. They love, or attach to, their providers, but mainly they love themselves very naturally. Self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-loathing start when others, especially those you look up to (parents, teachers, peers), start doubting, criticizing, and loathing you. Only when the outside shows you hate, will you start considering the option that you can be hated. 

When the outside gives you enough hate, you’ll have to be exceptionally strong to not end up believing at least some of it. It is only normal to be affected by the opinions and behavior of others when aimed at you. Think: you’re that fat but happy kid, you meet the world with a big fat smile on your first day of school or kindergarten, and you end up drawing flak. Why? You were so nice!? So pretty in that new outfit?? I mean – your mom TOLD you you looked perfect!! What’s happening? You get told very clearly that it’s because you’re fat. Fat cow, fatass, fatso, whale, etc. – you’ll “know” (or be told convincingly and repeatedly) that you are a lesser person, a person not worthy of respect, love, or friendship, and many other things we, as human beings, crave, for being fat. Also that you’re ugly as fuck. Beauty is NOT overrated. Beauty activates good feelings in our brains. Chemical programming, no helping it. We need beauty or at least the current interpretation of it. It changes. Ugly people don’t elicit those good brain feelings in others. People don’t feel pleased or pleasant looking at ugly people unless there are personal positive memories or feelings for the person involved, so they respond negatively.

While some, maybe even many, people will still be loving and supportive, you’ll still be forcibly thinking about why a significant amount of people is hating on you and/or people like you. It is a psychological truth that the opinions of others can contaminate our own. So imagine 10 out of 25 kids in your class expressing very meanly their opinion that your fat ass makes you unloveable… Daily… With words, fists, and pranks… Hate mail, hate pages. Don’t think for a second that the other 15 will rush to your defense with equal force. And then you see that the mass media, who cater to the demands of contemporary society, agree with them that being fat makes you an ugly lump of shit. Slim people glorified everywhere, fat people humiliated everywhere. And they want you to remain unaffected, yes? LOL.

And then they blame YOU for ending up hating yourself. When you cave under the massive hate everyone sends your way all the time, YOU are told to get YOUR shit together, that YOU are a head case, and that YOU should fight on your own to regain self-love or else you don’t deserve love, period. Against THOSE shitty odds. When only your closest loved ones – who would also very explicitely like you to be slimmer and possibly prefer you then – and a few weak voices in public, defend who you are rather than what society wants you to be.

Come the fuck on. 

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