My Ass on the Bus

May 20 has been one of those days where the same unlikely-to-repeat-itself thing just keeps happening to you. I remember that one day where I had meetings with 5 people all of whom had the same name.

Today, it was less funny. I know I’m fat, nobody needs to point it out, and I no longer feel bad about being fat, so I’m rather unapologetic about it. I know I take up a bit more space than others, but not so much that you can’t fit in next to me.

So I’m sitting on the bus on my way to the employment office, on the window seat of a 2 seat row. A middle-aged to elderly (59 to 65?) woman, tall, upright, and strong-looking, sits down next to me, and, mumbling plaintively, got up a few times to adjust her ass in the seat. She then cranked at me in Russian what I can only guess is her asking me to shift my ass so she can sit comfortably. Now listen here. I may take up a bit more than 1 seat, but not too much for another person to sit next to me. I never got any complaints before, and I used to be much wider. I refused to make myself even smaller. Angrily, she sat down elsewhere, which she could have done earlier, without re-ascerting that my ass is too big for her to sit comfortably, and without calling me out on it all indignantly, as if it were my ass’s life mission to ruin her ride. I woslike, “What??? It’s not like I can lose 20 kilos right here right now so you can sit comfortably! Moron…”

Mind you – I sat there first, it was not a reserved/elderly/handicapped seat, and there were other vacant seats, so all she did, was humiliate me for no good reason.

I sighed, curled my lips in a silent snarl, and faded the event from my mind, when another elderly person, a chubby short man this time, refreshed it and did the exact same thing. Sat down next to me, complained my ass is too big, and continued grumping loudly. I woslike, “Dafuq dude, why is everyone talking to me in Russian about how my fat ass is in their way? Are you all blind? Do you look where you sit your ass down? Did you not see there was a fat chick sitting here?” and he shut up, but remained where he was. I added, “And why the fuck is everyone speaking Russian to me as if Russia is the only country with white chicks? I did a ginger Arab once!!” because this has been annoying me for a long time. We’re in Israel. Speak Hebrew to me. Assume I do not speak any other language. Try something local like Arabic, or universal like English, but don’t talk to me in a language I see no reason to heave learned.

Actually, this has happened to me more lately. My ass is shrinking, yet the number of people yelling at me for my ass being in their way on the bus, is growing. I don’t get why they do it. I can’t shrink on the spot to make room for them. As the one to have paid and sat there first, I also cannot get up and stand for the rest of the ride. What the hell?

Here’s where the whole “respect your elders” thing comes in. Why? Is getting old an achievement worthy of my respect any more than succeeding at a career or making babies or training your dog well? All it takes to get old, is to not die. I know at your age you have probably seen and done things – but so have I at my age. A lot more than many 100-year-olds. I respect my elders, as I respect everyone else – according to how they behave. If you’re gonna be both my elder and an asshole, I will treat you like an asshole. If you’re 10, and you treat me respectfully, I will respect you back. Age is bullshit.