No more.

Nobody should get to body-shame. Nobody gets to decree what a correct body is. Nobody gets to tell someone that they are abusing or disrespecting themselves just for not obsessing over fitness and being slim. And you know what? I’m not buying “concern” when it’s in the form of hating, bullying, and shaming! And even if there are health concerns? NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS.

Certainly no reason to be mean.

And fitness supplements tend to be unhealthy, too. There are healthy obese people; I am one of them.
Fit women do not need to glorify themselves by putting down others. If they can’t shine without throwing shade on fat women, that says more about them than it does about us. I sure don’t go around shaming fit or slim women; I intend to live and let live – and demand to BE let live.

There’s something “subtly” hateful about those motivation pictures of “before and after” budybuilding women. The pictures tell you to stop looking one way (fat), and start looking the other (toned), and not to make excuses.

So you need an excuse to feel comfortable in your current body? Who are those “motivation” people to tell you what body to feel good in? I have believed it for so long, I believed they were right and the way I looked was incorrect, and that I “owed” it to myself to feel shitty about being fat. Why does a healthy overweight person need to make excuses or feel compelled to “get toned” in the first place? Even if they’re not healthy, it’s none of anybody’s business – plus, fit people get sick, too. Who’s to say that “firm and toned” is correct, and “fat and soft” isn’t? Doctors? Well, doctors will tell you that health is not just an issue of size and that some fat is actually healthy. Much unlike a lot of fitness supplements that can literally eat holes into your brain. I mean, what makes you think you should, daily, consume something that says “Do not use if you’re pregnant, nursing, old, young, fast heartrate, slow heartrate, epileptic, etc.”? Does that sound better than a burger? Really?
Why am I even made to feel like I need an excuse? Why can’t I just be the way I am without feeling guilty or embarassed or like I’m not treating myself right? And even if I were mistreating myself, how does that entitle others to diss me?

Why are people trying to tell me to feel guilty about not doing much about my weight? It’s not like I’m not trying at all, but I refuse to obsess over it anymore. And my only issue is the cellulite anyway. Otherwise, I’m quite okay being big. Why are women told to obsess about their appearance and feel bad when they don’t fit such and such ideal? Why do we have to feel like we deserve the hate we’re getting? Who are we hurting or offending by being big or soft? Nobody is telling ugly-faced women to get a nose job, nobody is telling small-breasted women to get a boob job, nobody is telling short women to have leg extension surgery and God forbid anyone were to tell a woman with kinky hair to straighten it. I mean, it is all well-marketed industries, but not as aggressive and omnipresent – and hateful – as the weight issue. You don’t see accusing and holier-than-thou pictures with the caption “What is your excuse” depicting a woman before and after facelift. Oh, so working out is more honest/healthy/real than surgery? Sure, especially with all those supplements…. And why do methods matter anyway? I don’t feel guilty about having had multiple procedures done. Why should I? Worked for me, all the belly went POOF in a matter of hours.

I’m fat and I’m healthy, and the only reason I’m not “fat and happy”, is because all the hate I get for being fat while I can’t remember having done anything to deserve it. Fat hate will be justified the day that “receding hairline” hate, “ugly nose” hate, “pudgy fingers” hate, “kinky hair” hate, or “short teeth” hate is justified. But you don’t see anyone hating that to this degree. Oh, so fat isn’t natural but big foreheads are? Well how about this: some are naturally predisposed to be heavier. And supplements are natural? Shaming people on Facebook is natural? Coloring your hair is natural? To hell with the natural argument, it’s invalid, nobody honestly cares about nature or health when dissing the appearance of others. It’s not about that, it’s 95% “look at me being all superior compared to those fatties and uglies” and an attempt to make it sound educated.

So screw this “What is your excuse” BS. Wanna know my excuse? Because eating a bag of chips at the movies is more fun than being a bunch of shallow douchebags’ reason to touch themselves.

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Another feel-good lie.

 

This, is a load of shit:

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People are always blamed for their self-hate, yet nobody tried to prevent it from festering when the fat girl or the girl with the glasses had dog shit thrown at her, had her hair lit on fire, and got tied to a tree during a thunderstorm because dozens and dozens of boys thought that would be an appropriate punishment for her appearance. Nobody missed a chance to blame her own attitude when all the men looked the other way or scoffed at the thought of giving her a chance. Even if her attitude or personality couldn’t have been the cause because nobody wanted to get a taste of it after having seen her physical shortcomings.

Everybody blamed it on the rise of the Internet when the fat girl became a recluse and everybody assumed her bitter attitude is the cause and not the result of a lifetime of rejection by what she needed most: a lover who desired her and who thought there was nothing more desirable than her. Fat girls and “ugly” girls are taught not to have standards, to make do with whatever idiot will take them, settle for whatever volunteers if you will.

Even my own mother sometimes blames me for being a 30-year-old single because I didn’t want the fat, old, stupid, smelly Nigerian who was oh so charming, the homeless alcoholic who really only had his looks going for him, or the guy who was the walking definition of “ugly”. No, she never liked any of those for me, but they are examples of what I logically rejected when my mother and society thought I should have settled for them rather than nothing. As a fat girl, I don’t get to be picky. I don’t get to want Prince Charming, the one who raises my blood pressure to dangerous levels and the one who may, God forbid, be good-looking. I don’t get to hope for true love and for the one who makes me happy rather than just treat me right. I need to want a man who wants me, treating me right comes in second. The fat 50-year-old Nigerian would have treated me right and he smelled of rotten cheese, not to mention he was hideous. No, I don’t hate blacks. I hate old fat ugly blacks hitting on a girl half their age, as I hate old fat ugly white men hitting on young chicks. So should I have married him? A repulsive lump of middle-aged grease, because he was nice? Is that all a fat white girl can hope for?

And then everyone gasps in surprise when she disagrees that it’s all her fault. Experiences like mine are why fat and “ugly” girls hate themselves. Others MAKE them hate themselves by decent people rejecting them, and only other rejects desiring them. I don’t want to be desired by regular/typical rejects. I don’t want to be the consolation prize someone settles for. I don’t want to be the manifest of someone’s poor taste or weird fetish. I don’t want to be a reject who has to make do with other rejects. But being repeatedly made a reject through rejection, and repeatedly being courted by other rejects, is what fuels self-hate. It never, ever, comes from within. Others need to tell you you’re worthless before you think you are.

Children are simple creatures who are born with only one concern: themselves and loving/gratifying themselves. Self-hate is an unnatural thing to come from within. It needs to be taught because it’s against a child’s primitive instinct of self-love which fuels the desire for self-preservation.
Meaning nobody hates themselves before a significant number of people tells this person that he or she should hate him/herself. Self-hate and a bad attitude is a result of rejection, not the cause. Nobody rejects themselves before significant individuals or numbers of people start giving reasons. It’s not natural. Vanity and narcissism are natural. Self-hate is one step away from letting your predators spot you, hunt you down, and eat you. Such an attitude is beaten into you. It does not come from within, ever.

Do you think a disfigured and deformed child who lives in a sheltered environment where nobody dares sneer or scorn at it or show any negative reaction, will think of itself as ugly, a freak, or unlovable? No. Look at Adalia Rose. Sorry, she’s ugly. But no one she ever encounters, tells her so. Everyone around her makes sure she feels pretty, so she believes she is. She is not aware of her appearance being typically considered a bad thing, because nobody teaches her to think that way. Neither did I until others started to bully me for being fat. Children don’t hate their appearance until they get punished for it. People become uncomfortable with their flaws when they are pointed out as flaws by others.

Dear all Men.

Dear all men.

When you want a woman to change her appearance before she expects to have a chance with you, please do the following:
-have your legs broken and rearranged so you’re tall enough to fit our expectations of the ideal man. Most women like their men taller than themselves. If the Chinese can do it, so can you. Yeah it’s painful, but so is dieting.
-lose some fucking weight yourselves. If it can be expected from us, it can be expected from you. Fat men are not better looking than fat women, and I don’t wanna date one.
-get your bald spot treated with some hair implants. If a woman can be expected to fix her body hair, you can be expected to fix your head hair. Yeah it hurts, but so does waxing and lasering our legs, asses, and armpits.
-get your random tattoos removed, they’re fucking ugly. If you can expect a woman to wear chemicals on her face, you can be expected to remove chemicals from your arm. Yeah, it costs money, but so do Vichy and Garnier.
-get a circumcision. You think a woman’s unwashed cooch is disgusting? Well a) you don’t have to lick it, b) look under your own skin flaps. You could sell that cheese 1 pound a week.
-get a 6-pack implanted. If implants are a reasonable demand to make of flat women, I think it’s only fair we get to demand a skinny guy to get some abs, fake or not. Oh, you’re scared of the surgery? Every time I go under the knife, I update my will in case I don’t wake up, and picture nice things so I don’t have nightmares during the anesthesia. I’ve had 6 surgeries and it never gets any less scary or dangerous, assholes.
-stop smoking and drinking. You think not finding the right hole underneath her fat rolls is annoying? Try being kissed by tobacco breath, or cum with the taste of beer. Oh and shave your balls, I really hate pubes in my mouth.

Every surgery is painful, every anesthesia is potentially life-threatening. A gastric bypass can destroy your life and leave you handicapped and miserable forever. Make-up can ruin our skin. Diets are torture and unreasonable considering their’re hardly natural or what our bodies want.
Women put themselves through these nightmares so YOU accept us. While all you do, is sit around, wait for dinner to be ready, and hope for sex. You think you deserve a batch for suffering through her shopping sprees or stupid romance movies. You think you’re great guys just for suffering through her PMS mood swings. I bet none of you is willing to go through the same troubles to be accepted by a woman, as you expect women to go through. How about you only expect from a woman as much as she can expect from you?

What Fat Girls Do

Fat women, in the media, are portrayed as concerned with eating all the time. They eat an entire cake and order fishsticks for dessert. They don’t know they’re fat, so they make fools of themselves. They’re also usually stupid and serve as a sidekick to make their good-looking friend look nice and gracious for hanging out with fatties.

It’s true that food is on my mind a lot. Having a gastric bypass, I have to weigh (pun not intended) each intake of food carefully, so I have to think what to eat and what it’ll do to my stomach in the short run, and to my weight in the long run. Since my stomach is very energy-consuming and impacts my mood and general well-being, I have no choice but to think about food very thoroughly and carefully.
But I don’t think “What am I gonna eat next?”. Contrary to popular belief, fat people aren’t always hungry.

I get up in the morning to turn on the computer and work. Breakfast usually consists of fried eggs, carrots, and mushrooms. I work from home, not because I’m too fat to leave the house, but because I signed up with this company believing from-home work would be paradise, and for a while, it was: I could work on my laptop out of coffee shops, I could randomly adopt a dog and integrate it into the family for being home all the time, I could finish my daily quota ahead of time and have fun with friends or on my own while leaving the clock running and making money. It’s a job that requires language skills beyond one’s own mother tongue, and some writing skills. American students are meant to read my abstracts and not notice that an Israeli German wrote them. I make 45 Shekels per hour. Not great, but better than dumpster diving, right?

At some point, when I feel I’ve worked enough to take a break, I’ll take a shower and walk the dog.

When it comes to fat people being stupid, I have no idea where that stereotype comes from. It may not be wise to make yourself fat, but there are circumstances where you cannot really blame the person for getting fat. I’m smarter than a lot of people I know, though I admit I don’t do much with it.

I go to the mall, grocery shopping, or to the movies, I go to clubs and I date, or I take myself out to the beach for a lemon mint. On special occasions, I go to wars and riots – Israel has enough of those to go around – to take pictures and socialize with combatants/riot police. I love playing dodge ball with spooked weaponized horses.

When my wallet allows it, I make donations to our soldiers or other good causes.

When I’m bored, I draw, sometimes I write. I browse funnies and lulz and I torrent massively, which I can admit to because personal piracy is legal in Israel. I go to the flea market, I take long walks, I haggle with merchants, I flirt with hot stuff, I pick up after my dog. I clean up after myself and my pets all the time.

In the evenings, I have diner in front of the TV, try to wash some dishes, and mourn love lost. I fantasize about people and dreams and come up with what to draw next. I skype with my mom. In bed, I try to read as much as possible.

Basically, I’m like everyone else.

Diet Experience: Slimming Drops

In 2007, in my desperation, I let myself fall for one of those miracle cures. This one is simply called Slimming Drops and seems to be a (primarily?) Dutch product. It cost a crapload of money and tasted disgusting even diluted in water. It’s supposed to stimulate energy loss/fat burning and digestion, among other things. I lost no weight. On the contrary; to get the vile taste out of your mouth, you have to eat something fatty because fat is a flavor enhancer….

This is their website: http://www.slimmingdrops.nl/

Fellgood Bullcrap

I recently read this phrase a lot on Facebook:

“I’m not fat. When he created me, God just liked me so much that he decided to enlarge me.”

Right. At first glance, that sounds sweet and comforting. Then again, if God really loves me, why doesn’t he design me in a way that makes me desirable and keeps me from getting bullied, overlooked, sneered and scoffed on, and hated on by society and media?

Diet Tip: Or, not And.

I don’t believe any diet method is enjoyable for the rest of your life, and I have yet to hear of a diet that you can unsubscribe from without unsubscribing from the weight loss it brought.

If diets are temporary, so are their benefits.

Instead, I choose. Or I try, for the will is strong, but the flesh just sucks.

I choose: 
1 big serving of spaghetti for supper vs. 1 small serving + a movie snack later
1 apple vs. 1 Snickers
1 box of cookies vs. 1 bag of chips
The burger or the fries
The fries or the Coke
The cake or the falafel

When I feel like eating, whether it’s just appetite or actual hunger, if it’s not a craving for something specific, I try to choose between my options rather than eating everything I feel like. My appreciation for the food’s taste is boosted because it doesn’t get contaminated by that of other foods or beverages, and knowing I’m having just this one thing makes me eat it more consciously.

In the beginning, your choice doesn’t need to be the wiser one. It’s not about the healthy apple vs. the fattening Snickers. It’s about reducing the total intake. The apple may be way healthier than the chocolate, but if you have both, you have the sugar content of both, so 1 Snickers will still be better than both the Snickers plus the apple. 

Think less about the calories of your choice, but about how your choice will affect your mood. Mood is a major factor in eating behavior. The apple is probably going to energize you more than the Snickers and also tickle your senses more for its rich, fruity flavor and juices. The Snickers may be more filling.

If you’re thirsty, and really just thirsty and not also hypoglycemic, try the oh so boring, lame mineral water. Drinking water mindfully while really paying attention to how it feels and tastes on the tongue, will make it taste like heaven. 

The same is true for those lame carrots. Fry thin slices of carrot in a tiny amount of vegetable oil and eat the carrots slowly and really run them over your tongue. You’ll see their taste is so much more than “kind of sweet and juicy”. They taste like no other vegetable, go great with any dish. I love having egg omelette with sliced carrots, no spices needed. But take your time to explore and savor the taste. 

Apples are very different depending on brand/color. The green ones are firm and sour and make my gums bleed. The yellowish-green ones are soft, juicy and sweet and cure my suger lows within seconds. The dark red ones actually taste rather boring to me, and they’re firm, do not want. 

A mandarine within season, is an orgasm. A chocolate bar tastes good as long as you suck on it, but the mandarine affects every last one of your senses. The juice just tastes so intense, you have the gratifying rush of sourness, the pleasant sweetness, the bite is just right to let you chew on something without being challenging or harmful to the teeth. 

Take a handful of chips out of the bag and put the rest out of reach. Eat the handful as slowly as you can manage, hell, lick the taste off of each chip. You may find yourself satisfied with that handful, and you’ll have more left for later.

Remember every intake of food or drinks other than water, means an intake of calories, of sugars, or of fats. No matter how little that intake is, it is an intake that adds to your weight unless you run it off asap. But don’t go into withdrawal, don’t walk past your favorite cookies for weeks making a sad face, just choose every time you eat something: which is it going to be? If you’re going to have the cookies now, you will not have the banana or the peanuts, too. For breakfast, try choosing between the egg and the toast rather than the egg on the toast. Toast bread, plain, can actually taste great. I love baked stuff, plain or topped. I could binge on toasted white bread with nothing on or with it.

So pick. As much as possible, pick, don’t combine. I’m not saying “no peas with the steak”, but not 2 kinds of snacks or main courses in the same sitting. 

Pick what you like. If you’re depressed, pick chocolate. If you’re tired, pick an apple. don’t be too hard on yourself if you end up taking both, but try not to as much as possible. It means you’ll have more for later, and reduced your intake of fatass. You’ll learn to choose and accomodate your appetites better because you eat more consciously and pay more attention to how each food tastes and how it makes you feel. You’ll learn what to pick for what situation, like a basket of apples for work and the chocolate for PMS. You’ll learn to appreciate “boring” foods and water for a new awareness of their flavor and sensory aspects. Like, I think Coke feels awful on the tongue when I pay attention, and leaves a gross aftertaste. Water feels like playing in a pool and I feel it cooling my veins.

Pick. Don’t deprive yourself, but choose what to treat yourself to.