The trope I’m sick of hearing, is when people, usually women about men, say that if a man rejects a woman because of her appearance, he’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve her.
Well, kind of. See, the human brain is wired to make you feel good when you’re looking, tasting, touching, hearing, or smelling something you consider good/pretty/tasty. Pleasant. The opposite of this, elicits the opposite or at least leaves you cold. This is true for food, and this is true for people. It is especially true for sexual attraction.
For ease and brevity and to stay on the general topic of obesity from my female POV, I will focus on men’s likes and dislikes, and narrow those down to weight.
I’m not saying that all men always feel repulsed by all fat women, but when an individual man considers obesity unattractive or ugly or otherwise unpleasant, he can’t make his brain give him a boner regardless. You can’t make yourself like something. It’s not about being a bad person. It does not make you a bad person for rejecting someone whose appearance makes your brain ooze chemicals that say “Noooooooo!”. Being an asshole about it, makes you a bad person. Be nice with your rejection. Be nice to all who haven’t wronged you.
I have tried feeling attracted to people for their being a perfect fit or available to me. This included fat guys. They were great friends and I loved them dearly, but their appearance told my brain to not give me the hots for them sexually. Sadly so. I had an emotional attachment because of our pleasant mutual experiences, their affection for me, but when it comes to sexual attraction, being ignited by someone’s physique does matter, and the brain decides whether or not their looks ignite you.
In this sense, I’ve had many crushes but only felt sexually “ignited” as in attracted, by those I and my brain agreed were good-looking. I could have had and probably enjoyed sex with the others too, but “the hots” would not have been there. It would have been “nice” for being with that emotionally dear person, but I would not have been attracted physically and the sex would therefor have been kinda lame, nice but not steamy. And I’m only talking about those I didn’t consider downright ugly.
A fat sweaty guy repulses me, sorry to say. Am I a bitch for enjoying his company as a friend, appreciating his wit and humor, his knowledge, his helpfulness, our adventures together, but shudder at the thought of sleeping with him? Hello – I don’t believe in courtesy fucks. The guy is a great friend for all intents and purposes, EXCEPT for fucking and for the relationships built partially on fucking, like boyfriend or husband things. The same way, my male friends adored and respected me as their friend, but cannot be blamed for not wanting more when it’s the skinny flat girls that happen to “ignite” them sexually. Though one recently admitted he’d had a secret crush on me back then.
It’s not just about weight. Others are repulsed or attracted by height, skin color, hair, teeth, racial features etc. Physical attraction does matter however, when you want to connect sexually. While I consider language skills sexy in a guy, in the end I don’t give a fuck about his degree when I’m supposed to lick his belly. That’s when his belly matters. I realized long since that my fetish for power and authority only works in theory/fantasy. When the uniform comes off and the gun is hung at the coat rack, he better be toned, tall, and Middle-Eastern. Hookers are only picked by intellect and personality when needed to accompany you to some show-off event or when you actually just want company, yes, some pay just for talking and eating. A man who only or mainly wants sex, picks looks his brain tells him he likes. I’ve read reviews on hookers that really trashed them for “bedside manners”, but hailed their sexy bodies and announced many more visits in the future. Lesson learned: when it comes to fucking, your looks matter very much. A committed relationship of course requires both: sexual attraction and emotional connection. But it really, really, does need both, whatever either entails or is based on.
Yes, sometimes emotional connections are so strong that you just accept the unattractive body of your partner and marry and love and hump them anyways and that’s beautiful, but very often such partners end up being cheated on because while they are loved for their inner values, the sex isn’t hot enough for lack of attraction. Even if there is no adultery, there is likely to be more attraction and temptation by other types, looks, secret fantasies, and lots of secret porn with “better” bodies. There’s a difference between hungrily humping someone because you love being close to them (inner values), or because the blood rushes to your genitalia (physical attraction). Both can work without the other, but it’s only natural when they don’t, which is the case more often than not. You will not love and screw your unnatractive partner for their looks, but in spite of them. Egh, sounds less than great.
So not wanting your best friend because she’s fat, doesn’t make you a horrible person. Being mean about it, does.
Regardless and by-the-way-ish, some reject their fat admiror in spite of physical attraction being there. This is especially the case in young men who reject fat girls because they are or believe to be socially expeced to want the type that is commonly considered hot. They want a show-off girlfriend while secretly yearning for that nice chubby class mate. They are scared it hurts their pride, respectability, or manhood to show up with a fatty; this is very similar to closet gays obsessing over how they love tits in public while hurting inside and wanking off to gay porn when alone. Coming out of the closet, or openly dating fatties, often comes with age and experience and the confidence these factors bring along. On discussion platforms revolving around free love, swingers, and hookers, many men will tell you that while skinny girls are pretty to look at, those with love handles and cushions are often preferred for both physical attraction, and handling rough sex better. Men tend to like big tits and big asses, but only with age comes the reconciliation with the reality that big tits and asses usually mean that everything else is big, too. And who in his right mind, would say no to a nice pair of big tits, just because they come with a sizable belly?
A note I just remembered: a person can consider certain features attractive or unattractive in general, but still feel genuinely attracted to or repulsed by individuals with those features because other features of theirs are perceived as more important on a case-by-case basis. For example, if 10 men reject me for my fat ass and can’t focus on my pretty face instead because the ass matters more to them, 10 more men may not like my fat ass, but feel so attracted to my facial beauty that the weight is outweighed by it. And yeah, some man really love a fat ass.