Body Terrorism isn’t real?

Body terrorism isn’t real and no one wants fat people to kill themselves.

mobile.abc.net.au/news/2015-12…

Except, those 2 statements are ignorant and factually incorrect. When society tolerates large parts of itself plus the media shaming, hazing, discriminating against, and ridiculing overweight people, that society is hardly any more advanced than one that arrests women for not covering their hair. Fat people, women especially, are being terrorized all their lives and smugly expected to hate themselves. Sometimes this terrorism is thinly veiled in “health concerns” not shown in similar harassing fashions to smokers and other way less healthy people, meaning it’s really just a fib as nobody can possibly be sincerely concerned with a stranger’s weight-related health if not with a smoker’s or an alcoholic’s – plus, concern isn’t voiced by ridicule and unsolicited, demoralizing commentary.
Unlike Iranian women who uncover their hair, fat women in the West may not be legally prosecuted or punished, but they are beaten and bullied as children, and shamed and ridiculed as adults, if not personally, then by blanket fat hate, and little is done about it other than victim-blaming: “So just stop being fat” or, while kinda hard to convince an impressionable child it’s possible to be lovable when everyone is violently hating you, “Nobody ever gonna love you if you don’t love yourself”, which is nonsense, because you can love yourself all you want and still be brutalized and no child sets out hating herself – self-hate is conditioned, not inherent. I don’t know of any fat girl/child who hated herself for being fat before getting repeatedly and meticulously bullied for it. Plus, me hating myself entitles no one else to attack me in any form or fashion.

Fat hate, and (mostly women’s) fear of fatness, is a huge contributing factor to body image issues, eating disorders, and depression leading to suicide. But since the hate continues and is tolerated in school, in professional settings, while shopping, pretty much everywhere and accepted as a thing of daily life, there isn’t much a fat person can do other than suffer to lose weight in order to stop suffering from being dehumanized by society (and usually failing, while not owing anyone thinness to begin with and being an equal, worthy human being at 500 lbs as much as at 80). And failing that, many kill themselves, and nothing changes, meaning society accepts it. Just look at the internet’s response to suicides. Pretty thin girl: poor thing, so young, so pretty, why? Fat person? Lots of victim blaming and posthumous belittling and diminishing the cruelty the person suffered leading up to the suicide. Shouldn’t have been so fat then. Fatty got their giant butt hurt. If the fat person’s suicide gets any attention at all.

Hand these cards to people of color, disabled people, anorexic or mentally ill people, the world would be up in arms. But since it’s “just” fat people who have no right to respect and dignity, as confirmed by entertainment media who mostly cast us as a source of comic relief or villainy, we’ll just have to torture ourselves to lose weight in order to be treated like equal human beings, right?

#FatLivesMatter
#BodyTerrorism
#FatShaming
#London
#Society

Thanks, Doc.

Yesterday I went home from the doctor’s with a wide smile on my face and a feeling of accomplished world conquest in my chest. This doctor’s visit was well worth its 20 Shekels and the 30 minute walk because apparently, the practice was not “just next to the mall” after all.

I went to see endocrinologist Dr. B. because I was starting to suspect my thyroid to be behind my body’s refusal to shed those pounds. Thanks to radical self acceptance activists’ sites like The Militant Baker or The Body is not an Apology, and the realization that all women, no matter what their weight, are raised to feel some kind of insecurity, I had already not just made peace with, but learned to love my body. Which changed not only my perception of my body, but of everything around it, too.
But I still want to know why I had to miss out on everything for hating my body for so long. Just ,why. After all, a gastric bypass did nothing, atkins combined with extreme gym-hitting and daily hours of swimming did nothing, a month-long attempt at pro-ana did nothing, nothing did anything. I only lose weight when I’m not even trying to, and shoveling McDonald’s, Snickers, and coke for lack of time to cook. Yet my body has, for the last 12 years or more, kept returning to the same weight over and over. So, why?
After I’d ordered eltroxin off eBay to see how my thyroid responds, and finding that I lost a bit of weight and felt better overall, I took these findings and my questions to Dr. B. A doctor who is among the rare gems of doctors who don’t dump all of your health problems on your weight, or dismiss them to tell you to get skinny instead. Because that attitude is an atrocity. “Doc, I have mood swings and suicidal thoughts that terrify me.” – “Yeah but first, here’s a referral to a dietitian.”… “I can’t turn my neck without excrucia–” – “What have you tried in terms of weightloss?”… “Doctor, please check my pelvis and hormones, I’m just not getting pregnant.” – “Lose the weight and you will.”… “Doctor, I suffer from migraine and falling asleep uncontrollably.” – “Yes, and here’s the card of a dietitian so we can make you look a little more appetizing.” (the latter were the exact words of the school doctor, a woman no less, when I was 14, and I think her head needs to roll for crushing what little self-love is left in an insecure fat teenage girl, with her choice of words).

Dr. B however, took a good look at my blood work, my med history, and at me, and said: “Nope, your thyroid is normal.” After several questions, answers, and theories, Dr. B said what all those “I bash fatties because they’re unhealthy” people out there should let sink in deep:

“Though, look. I’ve seen your bloodwork and your medical history. I’m looking at you. You’re not at any risk, your stats are good. You are what’s called healthy obese. You don’t need to lose weight.”

Oh yes.

Another feel-good lie.

 

This, is a load of shit:

Image

People are always blamed for their self-hate, yet nobody tried to prevent it from festering when the fat girl or the girl with the glasses had dog shit thrown at her, had her hair lit on fire, and got tied to a tree during a thunderstorm because dozens and dozens of boys thought that would be an appropriate punishment for her appearance. Nobody missed a chance to blame her own attitude when all the men looked the other way or scoffed at the thought of giving her a chance. Even if her attitude or personality couldn’t have been the cause because nobody wanted to get a taste of it after having seen her physical shortcomings.

Everybody blamed it on the rise of the Internet when the fat girl became a recluse and everybody assumed her bitter attitude is the cause and not the result of a lifetime of rejection by what she needed most: a lover who desired her and who thought there was nothing more desirable than her. Fat girls and “ugly” girls are taught not to have standards, to make do with whatever idiot will take them, settle for whatever volunteers if you will.

Even my own mother sometimes blames me for being a 30-year-old single because I didn’t want the fat, old, stupid, smelly Nigerian who was oh so charming, the homeless alcoholic who really only had his looks going for him, or the guy who was the walking definition of “ugly”. No, she never liked any of those for me, but they are examples of what I logically rejected when my mother and society thought I should have settled for them rather than nothing. As a fat girl, I don’t get to be picky. I don’t get to want Prince Charming, the one who raises my blood pressure to dangerous levels and the one who may, God forbid, be good-looking. I don’t get to hope for true love and for the one who makes me happy rather than just treat me right. I need to want a man who wants me, treating me right comes in second. The fat 50-year-old Nigerian would have treated me right and he smelled of rotten cheese, not to mention he was hideous. No, I don’t hate blacks. I hate old fat ugly blacks hitting on a girl half their age, as I hate old fat ugly white men hitting on young chicks. So should I have married him? A repulsive lump of middle-aged grease, because he was nice? Is that all a fat white girl can hope for?

And then everyone gasps in surprise when she disagrees that it’s all her fault. Experiences like mine are why fat and “ugly” girls hate themselves. Others MAKE them hate themselves by decent people rejecting them, and only other rejects desiring them. I don’t want to be desired by regular/typical rejects. I don’t want to be the consolation prize someone settles for. I don’t want to be the manifest of someone’s poor taste or weird fetish. I don’t want to be a reject who has to make do with other rejects. But being repeatedly made a reject through rejection, and repeatedly being courted by other rejects, is what fuels self-hate. It never, ever, comes from within. Others need to tell you you’re worthless before you think you are.

Children are simple creatures who are born with only one concern: themselves and loving/gratifying themselves. Self-hate is an unnatural thing to come from within. It needs to be taught because it’s against a child’s primitive instinct of self-love which fuels the desire for self-preservation.
Meaning nobody hates themselves before a significant number of people tells this person that he or she should hate him/herself. Self-hate and a bad attitude is a result of rejection, not the cause. Nobody rejects themselves before significant individuals or numbers of people start giving reasons. It’s not natural. Vanity and narcissism are natural. Self-hate is one step away from letting your predators spot you, hunt you down, and eat you. Such an attitude is beaten into you. It does not come from within, ever.

Do you think a disfigured and deformed child who lives in a sheltered environment where nobody dares sneer or scorn at it or show any negative reaction, will think of itself as ugly, a freak, or unlovable? No. Look at Adalia Rose. Sorry, she’s ugly. But no one she ever encounters, tells her so. Everyone around her makes sure she feels pretty, so she believes she is. She is not aware of her appearance being typically considered a bad thing, because nobody teaches her to think that way. Neither did I until others started to bully me for being fat. Children don’t hate their appearance until they get punished for it. People become uncomfortable with their flaws when they are pointed out as flaws by others.

Fellgood Bullcrap

I recently read this phrase a lot on Facebook:

“I’m not fat. When he created me, God just liked me so much that he decided to enlarge me.”

Right. At first glance, that sounds sweet and comforting. Then again, if God really loves me, why doesn’t he design me in a way that makes me desirable and keeps me from getting bullied, overlooked, sneered and scoffed on, and hated on by society and media?

“His loss” when he doesn’t like’em fat?

The trope I’m sick of hearing, is when people, usually women about men, say that if a man rejects a woman because of her appearance, he’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve her.

Wrong.

Well, kind of. See, the human brain is wired to make you feel good when you’re looking, tasting, touching, hearing, or smelling something you consider good/pretty/tasty. Pleasant. The opposite of this, elicits the opposite or at least leaves you cold. This is true for food, and this is true for people. It is especially true for sexual attraction.

For ease and brevity and to stay on the general topic of obesity from my female POV, I will focus on men’s likes and dislikes, and narrow those down to weight.

I’m not saying that all men always feel repulsed by all fat women, but when an individual man considers obesity unattractive or ugly or otherwise unpleasant, he can’t make his brain give him a boner regardless. You can’t make yourself like something. It’s not about being a bad person. It does not make you a bad person for rejecting someone whose appearance makes your brain ooze chemicals that say “Noooooooo!”. Being an asshole about it, makes you a bad person. Be nice with your rejection. Be nice to all who haven’t wronged you.

I have tried feeling attracted to people for their being a perfect fit or available to me. This included fat guys. They were great friends and I loved them dearly, but their appearance told my brain to not give me the hots for them sexually. Sadly so. I had an emotional attachment because of our pleasant mutual experiences, their affection for me, but when it comes to sexual attraction, being ignited by someone’s physique does matter, and the brain decides whether or not their looks ignite you.

In this sense, I’ve had many crushes but only felt sexually “ignited” as in attracted, by those I and my brain agreed were good-looking. I could have had and probably enjoyed sex with the others too, but “the hots” would not have been there. It would have been “nice” for being with that emotionally dear person, but I would not have been attracted physically and the sex would therefor have been kinda lame, nice but not steamy. And I’m only talking about those I didn’t consider downright ugly.

A fat sweaty guy repulses me, sorry to say. Am I a bitch for enjoying his company as a friend, appreciating his wit and humor, his knowledge, his helpfulness, our adventures together, but shudder at the thought of sleeping with him? Hello – I don’t believe in courtesy fucks. The guy is a great friend for all intents and purposes, EXCEPT for fucking and for the relationships built partially on fucking, like boyfriend or husband things. The same way, my male friends adored and respected me as their friend, but cannot be blamed for not wanting more when it’s the skinny flat girls that happen to “ignite” them sexually. Though one recently admitted he’d had a secret crush on me back then.

It’s not just about weight. Others are repulsed or attracted by height, skin color, hair, teeth, racial features etc. Physical attraction does matter however, when you want to connect sexually. While I consider language skills sexy in a guy, in the end I don’t give a fuck about his degree when I’m supposed to lick his belly. That’s when his belly matters. I realized long since that my fetish for power and authority only works in theory/fantasy. When the uniform comes off and the gun is hung at the coat rack, he better be toned, tall, and Middle-Eastern. Hookers are only picked by intellect and personality when needed to accompany you to some show-off event or when you actually just want company, yes, some pay just for talking and eating. A man who only or mainly wants sex, picks looks his brain tells him he likes. I’ve read reviews on hookers that really trashed them for “bedside manners”, but hailed their sexy bodies and announced many more visits in the future. Lesson learned: when it comes to fucking, your looks matter very much. A committed relationship of course requires both: sexual attraction and emotional connection. But it really, really, does need both, whatever either entails or is based on.

Yes, sometimes emotional connections are so strong that you just accept the unattractive body of your partner and marry and love and hump them anyways and that’s beautiful, but very often such partners end up being cheated on because while they are loved for their inner values, the sex isn’t hot enough for lack of attraction. Even if there is no adultery, there is likely to be more attraction and temptation by other types, looks, secret fantasies, and lots of secret porn with “better” bodies. There’s a difference between hungrily humping someone because you love being close to them (inner values), or because the blood rushes to your genitalia (physical attraction). Both can work without the other, but it’s only natural when they don’t, which is the case more often than not. You will not love and screw your unnatractive partner for their looks, but in spite of them. Egh, sounds less than great.

So not wanting your best friend because she’s fat, doesn’t make you a horrible person. Being mean about it, does.

Regardless and by-the-way-ish, some reject their fat admiror in spite of physical attraction being there. This is especially the case in young men who reject fat girls because they are or believe to be socially expeced to want the type that is commonly considered hot. They want a show-off girlfriend while secretly yearning for that nice chubby class mate. They are scared it hurts their pride, respectability, or manhood to show up with a fatty; this is very similar to closet gays obsessing over how they love tits in public while hurting inside and wanking off to gay porn when alone. Coming out of the closet, or openly dating fatties, often comes with age and experience and the confidence these factors bring along. On discussion platforms revolving around free love, swingers, and hookers, many men will tell you that while skinny girls are pretty to look at, those with love handles and cushions are often preferred for both physical attraction, and handling rough sex better. Men tend to like big tits and big asses, but only with age comes the reconciliation with the reality that big tits and asses usually mean that everything else is big, too. And who in his right mind, would say no to a nice pair of big tits, just because they come with a sizable belly?

A note I just remembered: a person can consider certain features attractive or unattractive in general, but still feel genuinely attracted to or repulsed by individuals with those features because other features of theirs are perceived as more important on a case-by-case basis. For example, if 10 men reject me for my fat ass and can’t focus on my pretty face instead because the ass matters more to them, 10 more men may not like my fat ass, but feel so attracted to my facial beauty that the weight is outweighed by it. And yeah, some man really love a fat ass.