Body Terrorism isn’t real?

Body terrorism isn’t real and no one wants fat people to kill themselves.

mobile.abc.net.au/news/2015-12…

Except, those 2 statements are ignorant and factually incorrect. When society tolerates large parts of itself plus the media shaming, hazing, discriminating against, and ridiculing overweight people, that society is hardly any more advanced than one that arrests women for not covering their hair. Fat people, women especially, are being terrorized all their lives and smugly expected to hate themselves. Sometimes this terrorism is thinly veiled in “health concerns” not shown in similar harassing fashions to smokers and other way less healthy people, meaning it’s really just a fib as nobody can possibly be sincerely concerned with a stranger’s weight-related health if not with a smoker’s or an alcoholic’s – plus, concern isn’t voiced by ridicule and unsolicited, demoralizing commentary.
Unlike Iranian women who uncover their hair, fat women in the West may not be legally prosecuted or punished, but they are beaten and bullied as children, and shamed and ridiculed as adults, if not personally, then by blanket fat hate, and little is done about it other than victim-blaming: “So just stop being fat” or, while kinda hard to convince an impressionable child it’s possible to be lovable when everyone is violently hating you, “Nobody ever gonna love you if you don’t love yourself”, which is nonsense, because you can love yourself all you want and still be brutalized and no child sets out hating herself – self-hate is conditioned, not inherent. I don’t know of any fat girl/child who hated herself for being fat before getting repeatedly and meticulously bullied for it. Plus, me hating myself entitles no one else to attack me in any form or fashion.

Fat hate, and (mostly women’s) fear of fatness, is a huge contributing factor to body image issues, eating disorders, and depression leading to suicide. But since the hate continues and is tolerated in school, in professional settings, while shopping, pretty much everywhere and accepted as a thing of daily life, there isn’t much a fat person can do other than suffer to lose weight in order to stop suffering from being dehumanized by society (and usually failing, while not owing anyone thinness to begin with and being an equal, worthy human being at 500 lbs as much as at 80). And failing that, many kill themselves, and nothing changes, meaning society accepts it. Just look at the internet’s response to suicides. Pretty thin girl: poor thing, so young, so pretty, why? Fat person? Lots of victim blaming and posthumous belittling and diminishing the cruelty the person suffered leading up to the suicide. Shouldn’t have been so fat then. Fatty got their giant butt hurt. If the fat person’s suicide gets any attention at all.

Hand these cards to people of color, disabled people, anorexic or mentally ill people, the world would be up in arms. But since it’s “just” fat people who have no right to respect and dignity, as confirmed by entertainment media who mostly cast us as a source of comic relief or villainy, we’ll just have to torture ourselves to lose weight in order to be treated like equal human beings, right?

#FatLivesMatter
#BodyTerrorism
#FatShaming
#London
#Society

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You’re ugly.

And that’s cool.

I was just thinking… The radical bodylove/self-acceptance movement has my full support and it’s helped me a lot. But a recurring phrase used within the movement is “Everyone/Every body is beautiful”. Every size, every shape, every color, etc.

Isn’t this where the whole issue of body discrimination and self-hate starts? At the feeling that we must be beautiful in order to love ourselves or hope to be loved? And while beauty is partially in the eye of the beholder, shouldn’t we be honest and admit that there are traits that a majority agree to be less-than-pretty?

So how about we drop the entire drive for beauty? How about we stop trying to feel better about ourselves by insisting on beauty, whether it’s by seeing beauty in our current state, or working to achieve it through change? How about we adopt the attitude that everyone is an equally respectable and worthy and lovable human being no matter what they look like – and not feeling obligated to either be (considered) beautiful, or tell people that they are?

When you try to make someone feel better by telling them they’re beautiful, isn’t that a bit like telling someone they’re not fat in order to comfort them? Aren’t both examples implying that unless you look pleasant (in terms of standards and majority opinions), you don’t get to feel good about yourself? Aren’t both, denying fatness and denying ugliness, implying that these traits are something horrible to have?

Why do we need to be beautiful in order to feel good about ourselves? Why can’t an ugly person be overtly and “awarely” ugly, and still feel good about themselves? What do we owe anyone beauty for? What would we owe ourselves beauty for? Golda Meir was one ugly motherfucker but while I don’t like her politics, she was successful and loved like fuck. Albert Einstein was one ugly potato head, so what. He was a genius.

Fuck beauty.

Thanks, Doc.

Yesterday I went home from the doctor’s with a wide smile on my face and a feeling of accomplished world conquest in my chest. This doctor’s visit was well worth its 20 Shekels and the 30 minute walk because apparently, the practice was not “just next to the mall” after all.

I went to see endocrinologist Dr. B. because I was starting to suspect my thyroid to be behind my body’s refusal to shed those pounds. Thanks to radical self acceptance activists’ sites like The Militant Baker or The Body is not an Apology, and the realization that all women, no matter what their weight, are raised to feel some kind of insecurity, I had already not just made peace with, but learned to love my body. Which changed not only my perception of my body, but of everything around it, too.
But I still want to know why I had to miss out on everything for hating my body for so long. Just ,why. After all, a gastric bypass did nothing, atkins combined with extreme gym-hitting and daily hours of swimming did nothing, a month-long attempt at pro-ana did nothing, nothing did anything. I only lose weight when I’m not even trying to, and shoveling McDonald’s, Snickers, and coke for lack of time to cook. Yet my body has, for the last 12 years or more, kept returning to the same weight over and over. So, why?
After I’d ordered eltroxin off eBay to see how my thyroid responds, and finding that I lost a bit of weight and felt better overall, I took these findings and my questions to Dr. B. A doctor who is among the rare gems of doctors who don’t dump all of your health problems on your weight, or dismiss them to tell you to get skinny instead. Because that attitude is an atrocity. “Doc, I have mood swings and suicidal thoughts that terrify me.” – “Yeah but first, here’s a referral to a dietitian.”… “I can’t turn my neck without excrucia–” – “What have you tried in terms of weightloss?”… “Doctor, please check my pelvis and hormones, I’m just not getting pregnant.” – “Lose the weight and you will.”… “Doctor, I suffer from migraine and falling asleep uncontrollably.” – “Yes, and here’s the card of a dietitian so we can make you look a little more appetizing.” (the latter were the exact words of the school doctor, a woman no less, when I was 14, and I think her head needs to roll for crushing what little self-love is left in an insecure fat teenage girl, with her choice of words).

Dr. B however, took a good look at my blood work, my med history, and at me, and said: “Nope, your thyroid is normal.” After several questions, answers, and theories, Dr. B said what all those “I bash fatties because they’re unhealthy” people out there should let sink in deep:

“Though, look. I’ve seen your bloodwork and your medical history. I’m looking at you. You’re not at any risk, your stats are good. You are what’s called healthy obese. You don’t need to lose weight.”

Oh yes.

Another feel-good lie.

 

This, is a load of shit:

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People are always blamed for their self-hate, yet nobody tried to prevent it from festering when the fat girl or the girl with the glasses had dog shit thrown at her, had her hair lit on fire, and got tied to a tree during a thunderstorm because dozens and dozens of boys thought that would be an appropriate punishment for her appearance. Nobody missed a chance to blame her own attitude when all the men looked the other way or scoffed at the thought of giving her a chance. Even if her attitude or personality couldn’t have been the cause because nobody wanted to get a taste of it after having seen her physical shortcomings.

Everybody blamed it on the rise of the Internet when the fat girl became a recluse and everybody assumed her bitter attitude is the cause and not the result of a lifetime of rejection by what she needed most: a lover who desired her and who thought there was nothing more desirable than her. Fat girls and “ugly” girls are taught not to have standards, to make do with whatever idiot will take them, settle for whatever volunteers if you will.

Even my own mother sometimes blames me for being a 30-year-old single because I didn’t want the fat, old, stupid, smelly Nigerian who was oh so charming, the homeless alcoholic who really only had his looks going for him, or the guy who was the walking definition of “ugly”. No, she never liked any of those for me, but they are examples of what I logically rejected when my mother and society thought I should have settled for them rather than nothing. As a fat girl, I don’t get to be picky. I don’t get to want Prince Charming, the one who raises my blood pressure to dangerous levels and the one who may, God forbid, be good-looking. I don’t get to hope for true love and for the one who makes me happy rather than just treat me right. I need to want a man who wants me, treating me right comes in second. The fat 50-year-old Nigerian would have treated me right and he smelled of rotten cheese, not to mention he was hideous. No, I don’t hate blacks. I hate old fat ugly blacks hitting on a girl half their age, as I hate old fat ugly white men hitting on young chicks. So should I have married him? A repulsive lump of middle-aged grease, because he was nice? Is that all a fat white girl can hope for?

And then everyone gasps in surprise when she disagrees that it’s all her fault. Experiences like mine are why fat and “ugly” girls hate themselves. Others MAKE them hate themselves by decent people rejecting them, and only other rejects desiring them. I don’t want to be desired by regular/typical rejects. I don’t want to be the consolation prize someone settles for. I don’t want to be the manifest of someone’s poor taste or weird fetish. I don’t want to be a reject who has to make do with other rejects. But being repeatedly made a reject through rejection, and repeatedly being courted by other rejects, is what fuels self-hate. It never, ever, comes from within. Others need to tell you you’re worthless before you think you are.

Children are simple creatures who are born with only one concern: themselves and loving/gratifying themselves. Self-hate is an unnatural thing to come from within. It needs to be taught because it’s against a child’s primitive instinct of self-love which fuels the desire for self-preservation.
Meaning nobody hates themselves before a significant number of people tells this person that he or she should hate him/herself. Self-hate and a bad attitude is a result of rejection, not the cause. Nobody rejects themselves before significant individuals or numbers of people start giving reasons. It’s not natural. Vanity and narcissism are natural. Self-hate is one step away from letting your predators spot you, hunt you down, and eat you. Such an attitude is beaten into you. It does not come from within, ever.

Do you think a disfigured and deformed child who lives in a sheltered environment where nobody dares sneer or scorn at it or show any negative reaction, will think of itself as ugly, a freak, or unlovable? No. Look at Adalia Rose. Sorry, she’s ugly. But no one she ever encounters, tells her so. Everyone around her makes sure she feels pretty, so she believes she is. She is not aware of her appearance being typically considered a bad thing, because nobody teaches her to think that way. Neither did I until others started to bully me for being fat. Children don’t hate their appearance until they get punished for it. People become uncomfortable with their flaws when they are pointed out as flaws by others.

Fellgood Bullcrap

I recently read this phrase a lot on Facebook:

“I’m not fat. When he created me, God just liked me so much that he decided to enlarge me.”

Right. At first glance, that sounds sweet and comforting. Then again, if God really loves me, why doesn’t he design me in a way that makes me desirable and keeps me from getting bullied, overlooked, sneered and scoffed on, and hated on by society and media?

Self-Love – the big Lie

“Nobody can love a person who doesn’t love themselves”

Bullshit. Hitler was full of self-loathing and Eva Braun literally died with and for him. You can perfectly love a self-hater. A self-hater can perfectly love someone else. And the suggestion that self-love is the condition for receiving love from others, is even bigger bullshit. I’ll explain.

Being selfish, instinct-driven creatures, children first and foremost love themselves. They love, or attach to, their providers, but mainly they love themselves very naturally. Self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-loathing start when others, especially those you look up to (parents, teachers, peers), start doubting, criticizing, and loathing you. Only when the outside shows you hate, will you start considering the option that you can be hated. 

When the outside gives you enough hate, you’ll have to be exceptionally strong to not end up believing at least some of it. It is only normal to be affected by the opinions and behavior of others when aimed at you. Think: you’re that fat but happy kid, you meet the world with a big fat smile on your first day of school or kindergarten, and you end up drawing flak. Why? You were so nice!? So pretty in that new outfit?? I mean – your mom TOLD you you looked perfect!! What’s happening? You get told very clearly that it’s because you’re fat. Fat cow, fatass, fatso, whale, etc. – you’ll “know” (or be told convincingly and repeatedly) that you are a lesser person, a person not worthy of respect, love, or friendship, and many other things we, as human beings, crave, for being fat. Also that you’re ugly as fuck. Beauty is NOT overrated. Beauty activates good feelings in our brains. Chemical programming, no helping it. We need beauty or at least the current interpretation of it. It changes. Ugly people don’t elicit those good brain feelings in others. People don’t feel pleased or pleasant looking at ugly people unless there are personal positive memories or feelings for the person involved, so they respond negatively.

While some, maybe even many, people will still be loving and supportive, you’ll still be forcibly thinking about why a significant amount of people is hating on you and/or people like you. It is a psychological truth that the opinions of others can contaminate our own. So imagine 10 out of 25 kids in your class expressing very meanly their opinion that your fat ass makes you unloveable… Daily… With words, fists, and pranks… Hate mail, hate pages. Don’t think for a second that the other 15 will rush to your defense with equal force. And then you see that the mass media, who cater to the demands of contemporary society, agree with them that being fat makes you an ugly lump of shit. Slim people glorified everywhere, fat people humiliated everywhere. And they want you to remain unaffected, yes? LOL.

And then they blame YOU for ending up hating yourself. When you cave under the massive hate everyone sends your way all the time, YOU are told to get YOUR shit together, that YOU are a head case, and that YOU should fight on your own to regain self-love or else you don’t deserve love, period. Against THOSE shitty odds. When only your closest loved ones – who would also very explicitely like you to be slimmer and possibly prefer you then – and a few weak voices in public, defend who you are rather than what society wants you to be.

Come the fuck on.