No more.

Nobody should get to body-shame. Nobody gets to decree what a correct body is. Nobody gets to tell someone that they are abusing or disrespecting themselves just for not obsessing over fitness and being slim. And you know what? I’m not buying “concern” when it’s in the form of hating, bullying, and shaming! And even if there are health concerns? NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS.

Certainly no reason to be mean.

And fitness supplements tend to be unhealthy, too. There are healthy obese people; I am one of them.
Fit women do not need to glorify themselves by putting down others. If they can’t shine without throwing shade on fat women, that says more about them than it does about us. I sure don’t go around shaming fit or slim women; I intend to live and let live – and demand to BE let live.

There’s something “subtly” hateful about those motivation pictures of “before and after” budybuilding women. The pictures tell you to stop looking one way (fat), and start looking the other (toned), and not to make excuses.

So you need an excuse to feel comfortable in your current body? Who are those “motivation” people to tell you what body to feel good in? I have believed it for so long, I believed they were right and the way I looked was incorrect, and that I “owed” it to myself to feel shitty about being fat. Why does a healthy overweight person need to make excuses or feel compelled to “get toned” in the first place? Even if they’re not healthy, it’s none of anybody’s business – plus, fit people get sick, too. Who’s to say that “firm and toned” is correct, and “fat and soft” isn’t? Doctors? Well, doctors will tell you that health is not just an issue of size and that some fat is actually healthy. Much unlike a lot of fitness supplements that can literally eat holes into your brain. I mean, what makes you think you should, daily, consume something that says “Do not use if you’re pregnant, nursing, old, young, fast heartrate, slow heartrate, epileptic, etc.”? Does that sound better than a burger? Really?
Why am I even made to feel like I need an excuse? Why can’t I just be the way I am without feeling guilty or embarassed or like I’m not treating myself right? And even if I were mistreating myself, how does that entitle others to diss me?

Why are people trying to tell me to feel guilty about not doing much about my weight? It’s not like I’m not trying at all, but I refuse to obsess over it anymore. And my only issue is the cellulite anyway. Otherwise, I’m quite okay being big. Why are women told to obsess about their appearance and feel bad when they don’t fit such and such ideal? Why do we have to feel like we deserve the hate we’re getting? Who are we hurting or offending by being big or soft? Nobody is telling ugly-faced women to get a nose job, nobody is telling small-breasted women to get a boob job, nobody is telling short women to have leg extension surgery and God forbid anyone were to tell a woman with kinky hair to straighten it. I mean, it is all well-marketed industries, but not as aggressive and omnipresent – and hateful – as the weight issue. You don’t see accusing and holier-than-thou pictures with the caption “What is your excuse” depicting a woman before and after facelift. Oh, so working out is more honest/healthy/real than surgery? Sure, especially with all those supplements…. And why do methods matter anyway? I don’t feel guilty about having had multiple procedures done. Why should I? Worked for me, all the belly went POOF in a matter of hours.

I’m fat and I’m healthy, and the only reason I’m not “fat and happy”, is because all the hate I get for being fat while I can’t remember having done anything to deserve it. Fat hate will be justified the day that “receding hairline” hate, “ugly nose” hate, “pudgy fingers” hate, “kinky hair” hate, or “short teeth” hate is justified. But you don’t see anyone hating that to this degree. Oh, so fat isn’t natural but big foreheads are? Well how about this: some are naturally predisposed to be heavier. And supplements are natural? Shaming people on Facebook is natural? Coloring your hair is natural? To hell with the natural argument, it’s invalid, nobody honestly cares about nature or health when dissing the appearance of others. It’s not about that, it’s 95% “look at me being all superior compared to those fatties and uglies” and an attempt to make it sound educated.

So screw this “What is your excuse” BS. Wanna know my excuse? Because eating a bag of chips at the movies is more fun than being a bunch of shallow douchebags’ reason to touch themselves.

Advertisements

Diet Experience: Pro-Ana

WARNING: Pro-Ana is a movement promoting deliberate efforts of becoming and staying anorexic. That shit isn’t funny, it kills you, and before it does, it makes you ugly, sick, and miserable. Ironically, these Ana girls tend to know that.

Desperate, I tried it 2010. Being actually morbidly obese, made it sound safe and reasonable, and it’s one of my best non-surgical attempts yet. Here’s how I did it:

1. I collected Ana and Thinspo (“thinspiration”, images and quotes glorifying exreme thin-ness) to look at at all times, and instructions. Basically things to keep me focused on my goal. My goal wasn’t to be sickly thin, but to lose huge amounts of weight and fit into whatever I liked.

2. I threw away all food, all table ware etc. except the bare necessities. 1 plate of each size and shape, and one piece of each kind of silverware basically.

3. I bought food that was Ana-approved, and only as much as I’d eat in the coming days, no stocking. I made sure it was food I liked that that would kind of fill me or at least keep me in good spirits. Fish, white cheese, broccoli, etc.

4. I obsessed over how much I hated my body. I deliberately obsessed and hated. Even in a good mood, when I felt silly about it, I still sat down and told myself I was hideous. I did this and looked at my thinspo every time I wanted to eat. Slept a lot to pass time without thinking of food, this includes sleep aid abuse. Went outside much, as I had trouble eating in public. Looked at pictures of fat people thinking hateful thoughts.

I kept this up for about a month and if it weren’t for the 2 facts that ruined it all, I might have stayed Ana. The 2 facts are:
1. That kind of diet exceeds my discipline. I can’t work the hours I signed for at my job, how am I gonna keep Ana-ing? I like food, not just for boredom, I actually enjoy good food. I enjoy life (or I try). That is why I like to eat.
2. There is no way in hell to stay healthy, strong, and beautiful on Ana. Beauty isn’t just an issue of weight. The hair of anorexic or severely malnourished people, is hideous.

I lost 4 kilos that month. Gained 7 the month after because for fuck’s sake, come on, after a month of cottage cheese and water, you just need that box of fudge cake. Make that 10 boxes of fudge cake. Actually, I learned that giving in to cravings and temptations regularly, but not excessively, does more to prevent weight gain, than strictly and obsessively, yet unhappily abstaining and then breaking and binging when the temptation becomes unbearable. No, 10 boxes of fudge cake are not the example of healthy regular craving satisfaction, but of the latter: binging after withdrawal.

Nowadays, when it comes to snacking, I do snack, but delicately. Instead of binging on a whole bag of chips or a whole box of chocolates, I enjoy a bit of it until it’s all melted and drool-dissolved, and leave the rest for later, or I buy a very carefully selected, but small quantity of something. Like 1 Snickers to kill my urge for sweets for the entire day. Keep it as long as possible, and enjoy it thoroughly when I cave. Believe me, it’ll be enough. When you’ve eaten healthy and consciously all day, or all week, even better, even if you think you need a whole cake, a small slice will taste rewarding and do the job. The trick is that your small snack is high in the otherwise evil carbs. Carbs make you happy. Sugar does, too. And so does chocolate. So take something small that unites all of those. Like 1 Nutella-covered fresh egg waffle. 1 Snickers. 1 small bag of M&M’s.
Yeah yeah, I do binge when PMSing or otherwise moody. Fuck off.